When you become serious with a boyfriend, you’re not just getting into a relationship with him. You’re also going to become part of his family, which means spending time with his mother. Everyone’s heard the mother-in-law horror stories and for many women, it can be a difficult ride. But even if yours had been causing you grief, you can still turn it around and develop a happier relationship.
Meet up with her alone
Just because she’s not your blood relation, doesn’t mean you can’t make a real effort to get to know her. If you’re keen to make a good impression why not suggest afternoon tea or a pub lunch? Without the influence of her son she’ll be able to gain a better insight into what makes you tick, which is the perfect grounds for establishing a great relationship.
Don’t get involved in family rows
Even though you’re officially part of the family, your mother-in-law might not see it that way. Try to stay out of other rows or disagreements that may be going on. Even if you have strong opinions and your partner is actively getting involved, chances are his mum won’t thank you for your opinion. If you need to vent, call your own friend and family to chat things over.
Encourage mother son time
For some mother-in-laws and wives, a difficult relationship stems from jealousy. All of a sudden the apple of her eye has a new woman in his life and she no longer takes centre stage. If your man is a bit of a mummy’s boy, you’ll need to accept this and encourage their relationship (within reason.) Make sure your mother-in-law knows.
Learn not to rise to the bite
It’s not uncommon for mother-in-laws to nag and pick at you as though she was your real mother. If your relationship isn’t exactly rosy, it’s likely she’ll learn how to push your buttons pretty quickly. In this situation you need to learn to rise above any petty behaviour on her part and be the bigger person. Chances are she’ll stop doing it all together once she sees she can’t get to you.
Define boundaries
When Sex and the City’s Charlotte started getting hassle from her mother-in-law Bunny, there was only one thing for it; laying the ground rules. If you have your own family, you need to put them first. Your mother-in-law needs to appreciate that she can’t always drop in unexpectedly. If your partner isn’t willing to address the situation, gently tell her you have plans next time she turns up out of the blue. That way she’ll know to arrange things in advance in future.
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